Sweetness Follows
by Lirillith
Summary: [FF6] Locke angst, postPhoenix, and a talk about feelings with Terra.


Author's note: If you really think Rachel can just snap her ghostly fingers and give Locke closure, cool, but I don't, so I wrote this. Title from an REM song. And no, it's not meant as romance; just friendship.   


Sweetness Follows

  


She said I'm free. Told me not to mourn or feel guilty anymore. 

It's easy to say, isn't it? 

I climbed those stairs so many times over the past six years, and climbing them for the last time, I felt guilty at my relief. Six years. I'd visited her whenever I could, always burdened with the hope that she'd open her eyes. Not any longer. No more searching. She was gone. Forever. Celes was waiting at the top of the stairs. 

I said "I'm okay," and "I feel like I'm finally free," and other things, just wanting to smooth the worry out of her face. It worked. She smiled, and that made it easier for me to laugh when I showed her the treasures I'd beaten them to in the cave and told her about the trouble of getting through that place without help. It made it easier to act normal. Edgar saw through me, like he always has, and squeezed my shoulder in the approved manly fashion and smiled understandingly, but he didn't try to make me talk. He probably never would; he's never been much for venting his feelings himself. I could talk to him if I needed to, and later I did, but right then, I wasn't sure what I needed. I'd had six years to slowly let hope ebb away, and the failure of the Phoenix wasn't really a surprise, but it still hurt to let her go, more so after that last glimpse of her, alive and just as I remembered her. 

Around sunset I went out on deck to brood. Setzer was the only one out there. I'd never really gotten close with the guy, though we were friendly enough, but he has one cardinal virtue in my eyes – he's able to keep to himself. He only nodded a greeting as I made my way to the railing. I returned it, then he occupied himself with steering while I occupied myself with staring at the clouds. 

I don't know how long I stayed out there before I heard footsteps. I turned and saw Terra, silhouetted against the light from the stairwell, holding two steaming mugs of something. "I... thought you might be cold," she said uncertainly. 

"I... yeah, a little, I guess. It's always cold at this altitude. Thanks." 

She joined me at the rail, handed me one of them – hot mulled cider. I sniffed appreciatively. "If you'd rather have hot chocolate, we can trade," she offered. 

"No, this is fine." I took a sip. Smiled – with my mouth only, but I couldn't help that – so she wouldn't feel she had to leave, then stared some more. The gaslights of South Figaro crawled on below us. She held the mug in both hands as if to warm them. No one said anything for what felt like a long time. 

Setzer broke the silence with a cough. "I'm putting it on autopilot," he said. Terra turned around. I didn't. I could hear footsteps, him walking towards her. "It should be fine, but wake me if there's turbulence. We should reach Narshe by morning." 

"All right." 

"Oh, and Locke?" I looked over my shoulder. "It does get better eventually." He smiled kindly, then turned with the usual dramatic swirl of his coat and headed belowdecks. I glanced at Terra, who looked concerned. I smiled to reassure her, and she smiled back. 

"He does know. Someone he loved died... he told me about it." 

I nodded. I'd decided to talk after all. "I guess my problem is I don't know how to feel. You know how I mean?" 

There was a touch of laughter in her voice when she answered. "Always?" 

I chuckled. "Yeah, I guess so. I'm sorry." 

"It's okay. I'm getting the hang of it now, I think." 

"Yeah... I'm glad. You look a lot happier, you know?" 

"I am. I need to take you to meet the kids sometime, Locke! They'd love you." 

"I wouldn't be so sure..." She laughed and punched my arm. I laughed too, a little, without having to force it. "I like kids, though. Always wanted a family... I was going to marry her, you know? Have kids and a life together. All that's gone now. She says I'm free, but free to do what? I just wanted to wait for her." That wasn't entirely true, and I knew it, but I hadn't wanted to admit to myself that I'd been attracted to anyone else. Oh, physically, yeah. I still have a pulse. But nothing beyond that. Emotionally, I steered clear. I was staying true to her memory on that level, at least. I hadn't allowed myself to pursue other relationships or make other plans, because what if I _could_ bring her back? The treasure hunting had been my life. I'd been more focused on finding the Phoenix than on worrying about what would happen after. 

She squeezed my shoulder lightly. "You just need to give yourself time, Locke. I mean... I don't know what it feels like to lose someone you loved that way, but I know when I was worried about not loving anyone, the only thing that helped was time." She set down her empty mug, wrapped her cloak tighter around herself with a shiver. The cold seems to get to her worse than anyone I've ever met. I balanced my own drink on the rail and shrugged out of my jacket, draping it over her shoulders. She smiled gratefully. "Won't you be cold, though?" 

"Nah. Cold never bothers me. Fire runs in my veins!" Actually, that would be her, but it sounded good at the time. Made no sense, but that's a petty quibble. I made a cheesy flexing motion and she giggled, then I took up my drink again. "You're right, though. It's just... strange. I sort of thought everything would be fixed. Actually, I didn't think about that at all, just focused on hunting, but that's sort of what she wanted, I think. For me to just be immediately okay." 

"Well, she was just an ordinary person too, right? Not some magical goddess?" 

"Not like you?" I teased. She elbowed me. 

"You know what I mean. Impatient. She didn't want you to mourn, just like I wanted to figure everything out immediately." 

"Yeah." I stared into the almost-empty mug. "At least I got to talk to her one last time." 

She squeezed my arm comfortingly. I covered her hand with mine for a moment, let it go. She hesitated, then asked, "Locke, do you want me to leave you alone?" 

"What? No. I feel better having someone here, you know?" 

"Yeah, I guess so. I just didn't want you to put up with me just to be polite. I mean, obviously I'm not helping much." 

"Don't feel bad, Terra. Nothing really does. Time, I guess. And hard liquor, lots of it." 

I'd meant that as a joke, but she didn't laugh. She was silent, as if considering, for a long moment, and then she threw her arms around me. I blinked, then hugged her back, resting my face against her hair. She seemed to have gotten a lot more demonstrative lately; she'd run up to greet me in the Phoenix Cave, looking genuinely delighted to see me, and I'd seen her smiling more since I got back on the ship than I had in the entire time before the world fell to pieces. It was good to see her smiling. I don't know how long we stayed that way, but I thought I felt her shivering. "You want to go inside?" I asked, barely above a whisper. 

"It's not helping, then." 

"No, I think it is. Thank you." I pulled back a bit, kissed her on the forehead. She smiled at me, her mouth a dim curve in the half-light. My chest and arms were chilled where I'd been holding her, and I started to notice the cold a little. 

"I'm about ready to turn in, how 'bout you?" I asked, but without giving her a chance to reply, I slung an arm around her shoulders, steering her toward the stairs. 

"I thought cold never bothered you," she commented sweetly, noticing the direction I was taking us both. 

"The cider wore off." 

"You're just trying to leech off my body heat! That's why you've got your arm around me!" 

"Well, uh... you owe me some heat! Because you stole my jacket." 

"I did not steal—!" She elbowed me in the side, and I groaned and flinched dramatically, then reached to tickle her. She half-shrieked and pelted down the stairs. I followed her, actually smiling. Maybe someday she'll have her way and I will be all right. For a moment there, I could almost believe that. 


End file.
